Le Scat Noir #216 features the complete text of my play ‘Ubu Raw: As You Like It,” as well as grand art and fiction by Alphonse Allais, Samuele Bastianello, Paulo Brito, Colin Dodds, Allen Forrest, Eckhard Gerdes, Derek Pell, Alice Pulaski, Frank Pulaski, Jason E. Rolfe, Erik Satie, and Doug Skinner . Download it HERE and please spread the infection to your friends.
UBU RAW: As You Like It
Unedited Transcript by Norman Conquest
Young Will and King Ubu Trump are gazing out the window of a parked coach.
YOUNG WILL: (sighing): She’s still very beautiful, sire.
UBU: Let me tell you a sad tale that, to this day, troubles my soul. Once upon a time, on the Beach of the Palms, I moved on her like a feral woodchuck.
YOUNG WILL: Whoa! You did? Horny King Ubu! Yaa-haa!
UBU: I groveled, I pawed, I nibbled, dribbled and groped. I slobbered ‘pon her pale flesh as at a royal feast, and yet…. And yet!… I failed! (Bows head in shame.) Yes, yes, I loathe to confess that I, King Ubu, did not score. How monstrous that this player here, in a scheme of passion, was rebuffed by a common wench. Though I did my very best. Imagine! A small-bosomed whore, spurning the advances of the king!
YOUNG WILL: Whoa, impossible! A madwoman crossed the royal path.
UBU: Mad, tis true. And the bloom was off the virgin, too–she was married. A slut!…
***END OF EXCERPT***